Regulate Your Nervous System: A Polyvagal Approach to Anxiety Relief

 

Racing thoughts.
Tight chest.
Digestive issues.
Can’t sleep.
Restless energy.
Irritability.

 

It’s probably anxiety – at some point your body might start to shut down. You dissociate and even faint. Modern humans call it anxiety, sometimes stress. Primitive humans called it survival.

 

When your body perceives something as a threat to your life, it does what it needs to do to get you out of the situation and back to safety. Unfortunately, there are many modern stressors that your amygdala wants you away from. It starts to nudge you, like a friend elbowing you to get over – you’re pushing them into the road – but you don’t move. Of course you don’t, you can’t leave your job or run away from the party. So, it nudges you a little harder, in fact it starts to punch you. The less you listen, the harder it punches. At which point you feel beaten up, exhausted with all the symptoms of anxiety, and you’re not totally sure why.

 

 

The Traditional Approach to Anxiety

 

The traditional approach to anxiety says there are two systems, the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. One nudges and the other calms. When you stray off the path of safety, the sympathetic tries to push you back on. When you’re on the safe path, the parasympathetic system lets you know with the feelings of calm. Polyvagal theory introduces a third aspect – the unmyelinated vagal pathway.

 

1. The unmyelinated vagal pathways regulate the organs below the diaphragm (dorsal vagal). This pathway evolved first, it is reptilian, and we share it with most vertebrates. When we feel unsafe, the heart rate slows, the body conserves metabolic resources, and we shutdown or collapse. Some humans dissociate. The shut down works well for reptiles, because their need for oxygen is much less than ours – they can go for several hours without breathing. But most mammals need constant oxygen. Because of this, when we immobilise, it affects our cognition and is potentially lethal.
2. The sympathetic nervous system developed after the unmyelinated vagal pathways, but early in evolution, beginning with the bony fish. The sympathetic nervous system allows the body to mobilise – fight or flee.
3. The myelinated vagal pathways (ventral vagal) regulate the organs above the diaphragm (ventral vagal). This faster, more nuanced response supports social and emotional regulation. It is there to conduct and coordinate the other two parts of the nervous system – fight / flight and shutdown – giving us a versatile nervous system. When this calming part of the vagus nerve developed, it connected to the part of the brain that controls the muscles in the face and head. This means that how we listen, speak, and show emotion on our face is closely linked to how safe and calm we feel in our bodies.

 

 

 

Regulating the Nervous System with Polyvagal Theory

 

Polyvagal theory says human connection stimulates the calming parasympathetic part of the nervous system. So rather than survival through just fight, flight and freeze, we can survive through connection. We can do this, and we need to do this. At birth, we need obvious care from a mother or another elder, but most mammals – including humans – rely on each other to survive for the entirety of life. Therefore, your nervous system evolved to expect reciprocal interactions from others – neural expectancy. If someone doesn’t respond to your friendly signals, or reacts in a hostile way, your nervous system quickly shifts into defence mode, preparing you to protect yourself. But if you detect positive facial expressions, prosody and eye contact, the social engagement system activates, and you can move without a feeling of threat.

 

It isn’t that you don’t want to engage the dorsal vagal or sympathetic system, but your body needs to know how to move up and down through the paths without getting stuck in the dorsal or sympathetic pathways. One way to do this is through play. Play excites the body and uses energy. The social connection – eye contact, shared laughter and friendly tone – helps calm the body some more. This back-and-forth teaches the nervous system to rise and fall, to feel excited, and then soothe itself. Playing with people is co-regulation – contrasting to playing alone – self-regulation – which is harder and less effective for nervous system regulation. Sometimes during play, as we energise, we enter a state that supports fight or flight, but when play is face-to-face, we can make eye contact, smile and use friendly voices, which are all cues of safety, and stop the body from reacting defensively.  If there is a mistake or moment of discomfort during play, we can repair it nonverbally – with a look, a laugh or a gesture – restoring the feeling of connection and safety.

 

 

True Play with Polyvagal Theory

 

From a polyvagal perspective, true play requires other people. It needs interaction, facial expressions and tone of voice. The point isn’t the fun, it’s the neural practice. The sympathetic nervous system revs up the body (mobilises it). Then it’s calmed down using the myelinated vagus nerve through social connection. This helps us learn to regulate our energy and emotions in relationship, and is crucial for wellbeing. Sound and tone are powerful indicators of safety. Low-frequency sounds (like growls or loud, flat tones) can trigger fear or defensive reactions, as our brain may interpret them as threats. Prosodic voice – gentle, musical, and varied in tone – signals safety to the nervous system. Play with electronic games does not require mobilisation or other people, and it is primarily without face-to-face contact, so it mimics the physiological state of fight/flight without the benefit of the social engagement system.

 

 

 

Welcome to my website, a space where I try to catch your eye, and explain the heart of my practice.

My journey over 16 years has taught me that true knowledge isn’t about the letters after my name or the timeline of my academic pursuits. It’s about the stories shared, the moments of vulnerability, and the human connection that transforms both you and me. It’s holding space, listening intently, and noticing the patterns within your words and emotions.

Together, we can navigate the complexities of life, embracing both the shadow and the light. So, if you’re seeking more than just a quick fix, and ready to make lasting changes, you’re in the right place. Let’s embark on this journey together. To overcome anxiety click and read more about my approach here.