Breaking Down Barriers to Communication with Authentic Relating
“Never assume” is a phrase I remind myself over and over again, but I still don’t get it right all the time. Assumptions can quietly erode relationships, creating invisible walls between us and those we care about. Whether it’s thinking we know what someone else is feeling or assuming we understand the reasons behind their actions, assumptions often take us down the wrong path. In communication, they can be one of the biggest barriers, making us feel disconnected and misunderstood.
Common Barriers to Communication
Assumptions are not the only barriers to communication. So many of us would rather get eaten by a crocodile (assumption?!) than face the awkwardness of an honest conversation. The squirmy feeling that comes from asking someone something real, from expressing a true feeling, or from sitting with silence, often pushes us back into safer territory – small talk, avoidance, or – you guessed it – assumptions. However, these assumptions lead us to believe we already know what the other person thinks or feels, which can quickly create misunderstandings.
Many people find effective communication challenging, as common barriers often get in the way of understanding. Distractions – whether external, like technology, or internal, like our own wandering thoughts – pull us away from genuine presence. Additionally, strong emotional reactions can cloud our ability to listen openly, causing us to respond defensively instead of thoughtfully.
These avoidance techniques can create distance and misunderstanding. Contrasting to the depth of relationship that you can create with a different type of communication. Recognising these barriers is the first step toward overcoming them, opening the door to more meaningful and connected conversations.
Introducing Authentic Relating
Authentic relating is a combination of values and exercises designed to enhance your relationships. It is exactly what it says on the tin, being real in relation to another. We often have one without the other – you can be your authentic self without connection, or you have connection but are not behaving authentically. In authentic relating, you cultivate both.
Authentic relating is more than just speaking or listening. It’s about fully engaging with someone in the present moment, setting aside assumptions, and understanding them as they truly are. Authentic relating will help you create genuine, present and meaningful connections. It encourages self-awareness, empathy and curiosity. Like mindfulness is the practising of exercises that help you live mindfully, authentic relating is the practising of exercises which help you remain fully present and open with others. Active listening exercises are at the core of authentic relating.
Steps to Active Listening
Active listening helps dissolve communication barriers by ensuring each person feels heard and valued. Unlike passive hearing, active listening involves focusing fully on the speaker, setting aside assumptions or personal agendas. Simple practices like maintaining eye contact, refraining from interrupting, and responding with curiosity enhance this skill. Follow these simple steps to practise active listening next time you talk to someone:
- Listen to the speaker without interrupting. “Mmmm”, “uh-huh”, or similar noises are an appropriate way to subtly and powerfully demonstrate they have your full attention. These small sounds convey warmth, attentiveness, and understanding without interrupting the speaker’s flow. They signal that you’re present with them, giving encouragement and helping the speaker feel seen. It is important to use listening noises thoughtfully. Overuse can seem insincere or distracting.
- When it seems they have finished, reflect on what you heard. You can say something like “it sounds as though…” or “can I just check I’ve understood right…”. At the end of your reflection, ask, “have I got that correct?” and offer them the opportunity to adjust anything you may have misunderstood. You can repeat these steps until you fully understand what they need you to hear. These steps allow someone to feel fully seen and understood.
- If the speaker hasn’t already said what they need, now is the time to ask. Something simple like; “Would you like my thoughts or a strategy? Or did you simply need to offload?” is enough. Always remember to respect what they say. If they say they just needed to offload, don’t follow on with advice!
Breaking Down Barriers to Communication with Authentic Relating
Breaking down barriers to communication requires us to let go of assumptions, lean into discomfort, and embrace authentic relating. By practising active listening, we create a foundation for genuine, open exchanges where both parties feel seen and valued. Authentic relating invites us to approach conversations with curiosity, empathy, and willingness to engage fully. When we listen without agenda, reflect with care, and respect the needs of those we communicate with, we open the door to deeper connections and more meaningful relationships. In a world full of distractions and assumptions, these practices remind us that true connection is possible, one conversation at a time.
HYPNOTHERAPY, COUNSELLING, PSYCHOTHERAPY, MINDFULNESS AND LIFE COACHING
Sounds confusing, right? Hypnotherapy with psychotherapy is my original qualification, and the reason I call myself a hypnotherapist. Since 2008, when I qualified as a hypnotherapist, I have added other skills to my toolbox. This helps me add depth to my sessions. If you want to know more, I explain it as concisely as possible here.